Midnight Confessions
by GhostStone
Summary: Lily stumbles upon a friend late at night and realizes that thoughts and emotions have been plaguing him for a long time.


Lily smiled as Professor Flitwick handed her a schedule with the hours of when she would meet with him for advanced lessons in charms that were not taught in Hogwarts. It had been over a decade since he took on an apprentice. But he had chosen her. Grinning, Lily ran to find Alice. She collided with her friend as she turned a corner sharply and they both fell onto the stone floors.

Laughing, Alice stood and offered a hand to Lily who took it with a rueful smile. "You know, Lily, usually it is me who does these sort of things. And you, a prefect, running in the halls!"

Lily grabbed her friend's arm and pulled her into an empty classroom. "Alice, you'll never guess what just happened."

"Hmm… No, probably not, but you are still going to tell me, so why guess? Did you know one time I walked by this room and I saw Malfoy and Narcissa Black _snogging _in here? Two years ago. You know, when he was in seventh and she was in sixth?"

Lily shook her head. 'No I did not know, and I never wanted to know. So thank you for that. Just please do not tell me any details."

"So you don't want to know where their hands were?" At Lily's horrified expression, Alice began laughing, bending over as she tried to breathe. "Do you… did you really think I _wanted _to see that? And no, I did not hang around long enough to know, and I never would. But your face-"

"Oh, shut up, Alice. Now, did you want to hear or not?"

"Yes, tell me. Did you join the Marauders and help create a prank to beat all others? Do you have a secret boyfriend that you've been meeting in the Astronomy Tower?"

Lily flushed. "No!"

"Well I know of one that would go for that."

"If you are talking about Potter than so help you I will-"

"Whoa, Lily. Easy. I know you wouldn't."

Lily smirked, a thought of revenge slipping into her mind. "But what of you and Frank Longbottom?" Alice blushed. "Ah, so there is something, isn't there?"

"Alright, so I like him. But he's a year older and we barely know each other."

"That can be remedied."

Alice ignored her. "But we were talking about you anyway. What had you so exited that you were sprinting down the halls?"

"Professor Flitwick took me on as his apprentice in Charms!"

Alice's eyes widened and then she hugged her friend, grinning. "That's great." They talked excitedly for a while and then Alice cast a quick charm. "It's almost curfew. Professor McGonagall said that if I get caught out late again she will owl my parents." She made a face. "Mother can't say anything, she was just like me, but father will be upset. Come on."

Lily shook her head. "I'm on to patrol tonight, but I'll meet you for breakfast tomorrow." They went in separate directions and Lily wandered the halls, but found them empty and silent. As she opened the door to the astronomy tower to make sure no one was there, she froze.

There was the outline of a student on the edge of the balcony.

"Remus!" Lily almost screamed. She catapulted herself at him and dragged him away from the edge.

His eyes were red and swollen from prolonged crying, and she wrapped her arms around him, trembling as she realized what might have happened if she had arrived any later than she had. "Oh, Remus. Whatever it is, killing yourself is not the answer."

He had begun to tremble. "Lily…"

She squeezed her arms around him and laid her head against Remus shoulder. "Do you want to talk, Remus?"

He didn't speak for a minute, but then nodded. "You… you sure?"

"Of course, I am."

He began to cry again then, not even trying to hide it from her, his grip became almost painful as he hugged her against himself. "Can we sit down?"

Lily looked at him, nodding, and then cast a cushioning charm and a warming charm at the floor before sitting beside him, taking his hand. Remus sighed before laying flat on his back, looking up at the stars through the open ceiling. Lily mimicked him after a moment.

"Lily, I need to tell you something first, but you have to promise not to tell anyone."

She squeezed his hand. "I know you're a werewolf, Remus. I've known since first year."

He fell silent, stunned. "You… you don't care?"

Lily turned her head to look at him. "You do realize that I am lying with you under the moon the night before it is full. I know you, Remus. I never cared that you were a werewolf."

He stared at the moon hanging above them once she mentioned it. "I hate the moon." He muttered before pausing. Then, quietly, he spoke. "When I was attacked, I was out in the yard. Every other Tuesday my twin sister and I would go out and camp on the lawn in a tent. It was our favorite thing to do. But, one night, after my father had a bit of a disagreement with a werewolf, the werewolf hid out in the woods beside our house, knowing my sister and I would be there.

"I… I watched as she was killed before me. And then I was attacked. The healers said it was amazing that I was even alive." A tear ran down his cheek. "I was six."

Tears stung Lily's eyes and she squeezed Remus' hand. "I never knew you had a sister." Lily whispered. "Were you close?"

He nodded weakly. "We were inseparable. Her name was Lily too." Lily rested her head against his shoulder. Then she took a deep breath, knowing that she had to address the topic that they had been avoiding.

"Remus. Why were you going to kill yourself?"

He stiffened, but then let out a long breath. It still took almost ten minutes before he found his voice. "A month ago, my parents were killed in a fire. I… too much has happened to me, Lily. You have no idea how terrible it is to transform every single month. The pain-" He bit off his words. "The morning after the full moon, I wake up with a new collection of wounds which cannot heal any way but naturally. I have to wear glamour charms continually for a week to hide."

Lily rolled on to her side so that she could see him better. "You're not alone, Remus. You know that. And people care about you. How devastated do you think your friends would be if you were dead?"

He looked away.

"I can't believe they left you alone to deal with all this." She said angrily.

"It isn't their fault, Lily. I… I didn't really tell them." He shut his eyes tightly. "Not even about my parents."

She didn't respond for a while, but held his hand. "Are you still- I mean, do you still want to-?"

"Kill myself?" He said bluntly.

Lily nodded.

"Not really." He turned his head to look at her. "Thanks, Lily."

"LILY AND REMUS!" A voice shrieked and Lily groaned as she recognized the voice of Marlene, the school gossip. Her boyfriend was laughing in the doorway.

Lily waved her wand and the doors slammed shut and locked. She hid her face in her hands, a blush rising in her cheeks. "Of course the school's biggest gossip would see us lying on the floor in the astronomy tower! You do realize that by breakfast everyone will believe we, the two school singles, have been having midnight trysts?"

Remus began to chuckle, truly amused for the first time in weeks. "What do you say?"

"Remus!" Lily exclaimed and then groaned, flopping onto her back and watching the stars. "Everyone will have heard of this by morning and we can't even put them right as what happened. You have just ruined my reputation.

"How about I take you to Hogsmeade next time we have a weekend to make up for it. As friends, of course. Everyone else can assume as they wish."

Lily smiled. "I would like that." Her eyes clouded.

"What is it, Lily?"

She glanced away from him. "I don't want to say."

Remus hugged her. "You can tell me. Come on, Lily. I trusted you, can't you trust me?"

"Will you tell me the truth?"

"Of course."

Lily buried her face in his robes, fighting the tears that threatened to fall. "Remus, am I unattractive?"

She couldn't see the shocked expression on his face. "Why do you think that?"

Lily tried to pull away, but he wouldn't let her. "It's… no one has ever asked me out before and anyone I talk to avoids me. Please just answer me, Remus. The truth."

"You're beautiful, Lily, and you would be hard pressed to find a guy in the school who doesn't believe it. I think the answer to your sparse field of dating choices may be due to a different reason."

She looked up at him in confusion.

"Tell me, Lily, if you were a guy, what you think James Potter would do if someone approached you with any sort of romantic interest. Would you be willing to risk that?"

"I hate him!"

'You don't mean that, Lily. He means well, and he has never threatened anyone before about it. In fact, he once questioned me why I thought you never dated anyone."

"How'd you answer?"

"Told him I heard you were a lesbian."

Lily giggled slightly. "You didn't."

Remus only smirked. "He believed it for a whole five minutes before I cracked up."

"Thanks, Remus."

"No, thank you, Lily." He sighed before standing and reached a hand down to pull Lily to her feet. He hugged her tightly. "Sure it's a no about that midnight tryst idea?" He whispered in her ear.

Lily smiled up at him. "Positive."

They walked through dark, empty halls, hiding once as Peeves drifted by in the halls. In the common room, Lily grabbed his hand before he went up to his dorm room. "If there is ever anything on your mind, I am always willing to listen. Come to me first."

He nodded.

"Promise me, Remus? Promise me that you won't try to kill yourself again."

He met her eyes and saw the concern in them. Then he ducked his head. "I promise."

She hugged him.

"And if you ever need someone to talk to, I'll be right here for you." He released her hand. "Good night, Lily."

"I'll see you in the morning." He nodded and slipped almost silently up to his room. Lily stood there a moment and then went up to collapse onto her bed before crying again, knowing she had been only minutes away from losing one of her best friends.

**Please review and let me know what you thought. I appreciate any feedback. Thank you and be looking for new stories from me.**


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